Surrender

I used to think that surrender to God was a one time deal. Like checking a box and moving on. But life experience has taught me otherwise:

When I dedicated my son, Noah, to the Lord as an infant, I’m not quite sure I understood what that would mean in the days ahead. Shortly after, at 6 months old, we found out that his eye muscles weren’t set correctly and he would need surgeries…and medicines… and eye patches…. and glasses. It would be a long journey of trial and error to ensure we could get his eyes working together and properly.  Then at 18 months old he was diagnosed with asthma and a few year ago with EOE, his allergies results off the charts! As his momma, with each diagnosis and season of trying new medicines, techniques and environmental changes, I tried to control everything. I was dedicated to making this problem go away for my son! Yes, I had dedicated him as an infant, but when the rubber met the road, I struggled to not feel guilty somehow for his conditions. I sit at his bed many nights, watching him breath, praying God would take it away. Longing for the day he was free from all these pills and limitations.

I had to come to a point of surrender; a place where my symbol of dedication became a reality of trust. So I found myself one Sunday morning, kneeling at an altar, praying something like this: “God, I know I dedicated Noah to you…. Today, I give you his eyes. Today, I give you his lungs. You knit him together in my womb and you know best how to care for him. So I surrender this responsibility to you. It was yours all along and I’m sorry for trying to bear this burden on my own. I will trust you with him.”

It was such a freeing moment! It freed me to love Noah the way I’m supposed to; without fear.

I know there will be many more moments like this as he continues to grow and develop. But this hasn’t just taught me about being a better momma, it’s taught me a lot about my personal life and relationship with God.

It’s been through these moments that I’ve come to understand larger moments of dedication, i.e. baby dedication, as intentions of the heart, symbols towards our future decisions. Surrender to God is the same. There is a moment that you decide that the intention of your heart will be toward God and His ways, but then there are the daily decisions that spell out a life of surrender. You may have given God your life in general, but you will also have to surrender every little part of it, every day. It is then that we are free to walk into our purposes with Him as our counselor and our guide.

“I surrender all to you! For my freedom is in you! Every beat of my heart, every burden, every scar, take it all, cause this is what I know, You make is something beautiful!”

Something Beautiful 

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